End of Summer Recap

With the kids going back to school today the summer is officially over. Shlomo and Hoodie went to Keytana (day camp), 2 weeks and 3 weeks at their respective schools. 

Peri and I also took a very different approach to the summer. We decided that one day a week we would go on tiyul. The criteria were: not local and different from the usual. Sometimes we did stuff as a family, sometimes with friends, sometimes with the kids, sometimes just the two of us. The end result was a fantastic summer visiting different places and spending quality time with people we don't always get to spend a lot of time with. 

Our summer tiyulim included: Akko (boat ride), Tnuvot (IEHL Game), Tel Aviv (Sonoma Market), Netanya/Hadera, Modiin (Jeeping), Teveria (Jungle Keif), Beit Shemesh (Police Museum), Yarka (Amusement Park/Ice Skating).

Akko - Anything touristy to do in Akko is located in the old city. There is a large parking lot at the entrance to the old city. On a really hot day, with little kids there are not a lot of cost effective things to do. We headed to the port and took a boat ride. The whole family had a really nice time on the boat. 

Tnuvot -  While Tnuvot isn't technically a new place, as I play hockey there most weeks of the year. The IEHL is a league that plays a short season at the beginning of the summer. It was the first time Peri had been to the rink in Tnuvot. It was the first time I watched live competitive hockey since I played in the hockey tournament 6 years ago. It was a great date night for Peri and I. 

Tel Aviv -  Located somewhere in the middle of the bustling city is a beautiful green space, including a sensory park for kids. Sonoma Market contains a lot of restaurants and food related shops, many of them kosher. It was also an opportunity to visit a friend that I don't get to see enough.

Netanya/Hadera - Uncle Jesse was on his first ever trip to Israel. We were not going to pass up the opportunity to visit him. It was great getting to know him as the adult he is becoming as opposed to the little boy I remember. Shlomo and Hoodie really took a liking to him to the point the Shlomo still enjoys talking about him. On the way home, we got stuck in super heavy traffic, leaving us arriving home after bedtime. We took a detour into Hadera and found a restaurant for dinner. The food and customer service were excellent.

Modiin - Peri had never been jeeping before. She called up to get a quote on the price. When the price was too high, the owner quickly dropped the price to something extremely affordable. Peri and I got to do all of the driving while we followed our guide through the Ben Shemen forest as he drove an SUV. The hour and a half of driving made for an incredibly fun day. We spent the afternoon/evening with friends in Modiin. It was definitely one of the highlights of the summer. 

Teveria - A friend joined us to travel 14 km South of Tiveria to a kibbutz with an exotic animal park called Jungle Keif. They had all kinds of exotic animals including: monkeys, snakes, lizards, camels, ducks, swans, turtles (lots of turtles) and everything in between. There were ducks running around lose and all kinds of animals all over the place. It was very Israeli in term of the layout being smallish and a bit chaotic. It was very well shaded and they had water mist spraying through parts of the park, allowing you to forget the extremely hot day. There were a ton of animals. You could even buy a cup of food to feed the various animals. There was a lot of food in the cup to the point we had leftovers as the time to go home was approaching.

The plan was to go from there to the beach in Teveria. Being ben hazmanim, the streets and beaches were more of a zoo than the animal enclosure we just came from. In the end we went home, got changed and went to spend the late afternoon on the local beach.

Beit Shemesh - We took Shlomo and Hoodie to the Police Museum. We took the tour, which included 2 short movies. Some exhibits had some special effects. Outside they had a display of old police cars. They had kids size police uniforms that kids could try on. It was a cute little museum, if you are looking for something to do for an hour to hour and a half. The rest of the day consisted of meeting up with some friends and a stop to the cemetery.

Yarka - With a couple of days left til the start of the school year we went with 2 families up to MyBaby. MyBaby is a giant toy store that also has an amusement park, skating rink, bowling alley, restaurants (none kosher) and more. The 3 families pooled our money together to buy a card that covered the cost of skating. The end result was a huge bonus on the purchase that left us with enough money for everyone to enjoy the amusement park rides and activities. 

It was the first time Shlomo ever went ice skating. (Me carrying him on the ice at Channah's Bat Mitzvah when he was 1 doesn't count). We had a great time on the ice. It was interesting that he had no idea to expect the ice to be so slippery and cold. By the time the 40 minutes on the ice was done, had improved significantly. We had a great time together. 

The combination of activities were not only fun but they provided a nice breakdown to the week, where the kids could entertain themselves allowing us to have time to work. 

Living so close to the water I find myself at the beach regularly.  Sometimes on a bike ride or when Peri and I just need a short break from a hectic day. Usually we stay on the tayelet (boardwalk). I have rediscovered the joy of spending time on the beach and how much I love spending time in the water. 

It has been a great summer. Hopefully it will lead into a great school year and with Rosh HaShannah on the horizon a great up and coming year.

 

Home Swimming Pool

Sonoma Market

Uncle Jesse

Jeeping

Jungle Keif

 

MyBaby

11 Years Ago - Gabi's Yahrziet

Over that last little while, Each time I have been thinking of Gabi, I have come to two new realizations. Very few people that have come into my life since leaving Beit Shemesh know about Gabi. Gabi would be 11 years old. 

As we move through different stages through our lives, people come to be part of that journey. As we have moved on to other stages, some people exit stage left and are not there to continue the journey. Some play a bigger role in some sections and smaller roles in others. Some people we care about, no matter how disconnected we may have become, while others relationships we simply move on. 

Gabi never had a chance to be part of my life journey after she was born. Her memory carries on in my heart and I still have the same love for her as I have for all of her siblings. We moved away from Beit Shemesh for a new start. I wanted to go back to being known for me as opposed to being known for what I have been through. It took me years of hard work to have a semblance of having some idea of who I am and who I want to be. Gabi did have a significant role to play in that journey of discovery. However her role was as my baby girl, not the little girl she could have become.

 It was a shock to think of her as an eleven year old because I don't think of her that way. There are so many questions that I never had the chance to learn the answer to. What would her personality be like? What would her likes and dislikes be? What would she be interested in? What would she look like? What challenges would she face? How would she overcome them. Any answers I could pretend to have to those questions would be pure fantasy. I simply cannot imagine her as an 11 year old. I can only picture her warm body in my arms, imagining what her life would of, could of been like.

I remember having a conversation with a friend about how their family would mark their grandmother's yahrziet with a 'Bubbie Shabbos'. The entire family would get together and mark the occasion with food that they associated with her, either through her cooking or food they enjoyed. Over time 'Bubbie Shabbos' started to include food 'Bubbie would have liked' if she had still been alive. It has been many years, since this conversation and I have no idea what is done today. 

Part of Gabi's loss is I don't even have a base to consider what she 'would have been like.' Occasionally with Channah, Shlomo and especially Hoodie when I have an interaction with them, I wonder to myself if Gabi would have been similar or completely different. 

As I mark Gabi's Yahrtziet, I am left wondering what would it be like to have an 11 year old. I am left thinking of the words I posted on the day she was born/died. 

'For most of us it takes a life time, our Gabi was able to fulfill her purpose in life before she was born. She has been a source of love and inspiration. She taught us that even the impossible can come true, for both good and bad.'

She has taught me many life lessons. That includes a lesson that fortunately most people don't have to learn. I know that it is possible to love somebody, simply for the fact that she is my daughter.  How much more so should we seek to show our love with those we have or want to have an active relationship with.

My Wish - 9th Yahrtziet

A number of weeks ago, I was driving home from hockey. My usual music was playing and the Rascal Flatts song 'My Wish' came on. As I drove along the dark, boring road of highway 6, my thoughts wondered to a conversation I had with a friend, on the morning of Rachel's funeral. As I was trying to put together a eulogy, I shared how Rachel connected to  music and how this song, felt like her leaving a last message for me. In the end some of the lyrics made it into the eulogy.

 

  

As I carefully listened, it struck me that every single word still has deep meaning. It almost provides a map of how to interact with the past, present and future. It provides a good commentary of how I have put my life back together, after her loss. 

Channah recently had a project for school on the Aliyah experience. She wanted to show the girls in her grade how far off their perception is. Channah and I spent a long time going through the blog together to help her jog her memory. It was very interesting as she shared her experience from her point of view, as a little kid, versus that adult issues that were beyond what any child needs to worry about. 

As I sit here thinking about the song, I think of how the message was for how to raise Channah as well. Channah is Directing her school play. When Rachel was her age, she was directing The Wizard of Oz for a shul play. We also had hopes and expectations of what Channah would do upon completing high school. With our full support, Channah has chosen a different path because that is what is best for her. 

I am proud of Channah. I know Rachel would be too. I believe I took the message she left behind and applied it appropriately. I hope that is enough to allow her Neshama to have an Aliyah.

Government Office Adventure - Kiryat Yam

Every Israeli has experienced how ridiculous the bureaucracy is in this country.  My experience has improved a lot in the last 12 years. Any trip to a Government office always runs the risk of needing to come back and possibly other tasks that need to be completed in the interim.

As it has been a number of years, it was time for Peri and I to go on a Government Office Adventure. Shlomo will be going to school in Kiryat Yam (2 km from our home) next year. As the school is outside of the Haifa municipal boundaries we need to get authorization and pay an extra fee for Shlomo to have permission to attend the school. Our task was simple. We already had the document giving us permission to transfer from the City of Haifa. We just needed to bring the document to the Kiryat Yam office, pay for the transfer and bring the forms back to the school.

The first task was locating the Kiryat Yam City Hall. I knew approximately where it was. As I parked next to the Mayor's car. I was pretty confident that we were in the right area.  As we walked there we realized there were two possible buildings of where the office was. One building had a sign 'Municipality of Kiryat Yam' and the other said 'Library'.  The obvious answer was to head to the library. However, the building was locked. So, we went back to the other building. The guard sent us back to the first building with some very unclear instructions of exactly where we needed to be. 

There was a small office next to the entrance to the library office. We eventually were able to get someone's attention to help guide us. They unlocked the door for us, told us to go upstairs and find what we needed from there. We found the right person on the first shot. It turned out the transfer fee was also cheaper than we were originally quoted. She gave us the documents we needed. We had to take the documents and pay the fee at the water office. In order to get to the water office, we had to walk out the door we came in, then circle the building. The entrance was on the opposite side. 

By the time we got to the water office, it was just after 12:00. They closed at 12:00. Peri played dumb and they allowed her to enter to take care of the bill. They made me wait outside. 

A few minutes later, we were back to at the entrance to the locked building. As per instructions, we knocked on the door and the administrator assisting us met us. She went and photocopied some ID, while we waited at the bottom of the stairs.  Peri was concerned that we were still missing a document. In the end the administrator contacted the secretary of the school directly. She told us that she would work directly with the secretary to make sure everything was in order. We would not need to take the documents to the school. 

We started our mission treating it as an adventure. That way, we didn't get frustrated or stressed with any of the road blocks we knew we would encounter. It took us less than half an hour to get everything in order.  In the end, the level of service was excellent.

It's December 31st

 For the passed few days or so, I have been emotionally unstable. This is the one time of year, I have to accept those emotions unconditionally. My body knows that December 31st is coming.  My heart knows that it has been 8 years since Rachel's passing. It still seems like everything in my life is marked as either before or after day. 

2020 has been a horrible year for the world. There were a lot of struggles for me and my family along with everything else. If I look back objectively, there have been a lot of highlights. 

When Peri and I were deciding if we should date, I was faced with the question of deciding if her 3 dogs would be a deal breaker. In the end I decided to accept Rocky, Bo and Snuggles and everything that went along with being a dog owner. When Rocky and Bo passed, I was hesitant to add another dog. One day we went to Tel Aviv to check out a dog. It was a bad match from a rescue that is dishonest and should be avoided. Instead of heading home, I decided that we should check out Tsar Baal Chaim in Tel Aviv. It was a great experience. In February, Bailey joined our family. It was my push that resulted in adopting him. 

Purim fell out a week before the entire country locked down.  We attended a Bat Mitzvah in the evening and a wonderful seudah in the afternoon. My parent's were visiting. They were able to celebrate a fun holiday with us. 

Just before Pesach we completed the purchase of our apartment. I thought it was a dream I would never be able to fulfill in my lifetime. The previous owners didn't want to move out for another 2 months. We had reluctantly agreed to allow them to rent from us for the extra two months. The move ended up being a real windfall for us. Most importantly, our moving day ended up being after the initial lockdown. We were able to have the freedom of movement to do all the renovations and preparations needed for a proper move. We have really been enjoying the benefits of owning our own home and so has our credit rating. 

I used to travel an hour and a quarter to Holon to play hockey on a tiny rink. A new full sized rink is now open in Tnuvot. All of the Anglo hockey has been moved to the new rink. My 75+ minute commute has been reduced to under an hour. The best part is those I look forward to spending time with every week are still playing in the same time slot. As soon as we have an end to these constant lockdowns, I can start playing on a consistent basis.

Last month I had eye surgery. Aside from not wearing glasses anymore, it has made a huge change in my life. I no longer fear my eyes blowing out on their own. I no longer fear closing my eyes without ointment in them. I can even be in the same room as onions being chopped without having them blow out.  My vision isn't quite where I want it to be. My eyes are healing and my vision is still improving.

My mental health is the best it has been since I started being treated for my PTSD and depression. Just as the calendar will flip to 2021, this week's emotional struggle will start fading away in the coming days. Life has been really hard. I can still see the positives that have happened throughout the year. 

For the past 8 years, I have viewed my life as Pre-December 31st, 2012 and Post-December 31st, 2012. For forever it seemed that most of my life had to be divided on one side or the other. I am starting to come to terms with that thought. Perhaps by this time next year, that wall will have fallen down, the same way it did for Gabi. 

Note: Rachel's Yahrzeit is this Shabbat.

Eye had Enough

 It started 9 years ago on the morning of the second day of Rosh HaShannah. I woke up with a pain in my left eye like something was stuck in it. I couldn't make the pain ago away. I was given a Clonex that knocked me out for the rest of the morning. In the afternoon, I went to the Arab doctor who gave me a prescription for something. Of course it was Yom Tov, so I couldn't get it filled. 

The next day I found an optometrist. My cornea had blown out. It took medicine and a few days to heal. That has been the pattern ever since. I would put ointment in my eye whenever  I went to sleep. I had eye gel that I could use, if my eye was irritated during the day. From time to time my cornea would blow out. I would find a way to see my optometrist same day and begin the treatment cycle again. The day I was preparing for my wife's funeral, I went to see my ophthalmologist. We came up with a plan avoid a blowout during shiva that included trying to avoid crying with tears. 

When we moved north, I found someone able to follow the same patterns of monitoring and treatment. That also included finding alternatives when the ointment was discontinued and finding a way to fill scripts properly for an alternative that was added to the health basket, imported from Canada. 

Earlier this year, the cornea blowouts started happening in my second eye as well. A few days before Rosh HaShannah my cornea blew out again. For the first time, I had a second blow out before the healing process had been completed. My ophthalmologist suggested that I see a Cornea Specialist, with the intention of having laser surgery.

About a month later, my eye blew out again. For the first time in 9 years, my ophthalmologist was not available to take care of it. Maccabi found us a doctor who works out of a hotel in Haifa. He said that he had been examining eyes since before I was born. I believe that it was true and that did not offer me any comfort. He told me that the pain I was experiencing was the worst possible type of pain. He also said that I didn't need any pain relief or treatment. Let everything heal on it's own. 

The next day I was still in agony. I went to my ophthalmologist who treated it and put in a contact lens. She didn't want to do too much, because the appointment with the cornea specialist was that evening. The lens didn't hold very well but made it until that evening. The specialist replaced the lens with a therapeutic lens and said it would not come out until I had surgery. I asked how long that would be. He answered 'tomorrow.' He made a phone call and had a slot for me at Assuta Hospital in Tel Aviv for PKT surgery. 

I was in so much pain in the morning, I insisted on leaving more than 2 hours earlier than planned. As the surgeon doesn't show up before a certain time, arriving early didn't help. They tried to take the pictures needed for the surgery shortly after arriving. Unfortunately, my eye was not in good enough shape to be able to take the pictures. We then had the regular waiting time plus an additional two hours. 

The surgeon finally arrived. He had a very calming bedside manner and easily gained my trust and confidence. He agreed that I should have the surgery but not on that day. I needed my eyes to be healthy for a period of 2 weeks before the surgery. He also recommended that they do a PRK at the same time. There was no additional risk and it would correct my vision to the point of not needing glasses. We made an appointment for 3 weeks later. We also made sure that he would be the surgeon performing the surgery.

My eye healed and I was given approval for the surgery. During the 3 weeks, I was afraid my eye would blow out again and paranoid that I could be stuck in bidud (quarantine). The day of the surgery arrived without any need for delays. 

First up were the pictures. I still had trouble opening my eyes wide enough, but they were able to get the images they needed.  Next up was the optometrist. It was a fairly rigorous exam, as they needed to make sure they got everything just right. At one point I was asked "Do you see 5 or 6 objects?' I answered 'I see 4 objects.' I proceeded to name identify them all to make sure everything was correct.

After all the preliminary exams, it was time to see the surgeon. He was happy with all the results and approved the surgery. I wasn't worried but it was still a moment of relief. I signed the waiver and was ready to go. They even made sure that we would get a English copy of the waiver.

We then went to pay the bill and get the detailed instructions for post-op, including lots of eye drops, activity restrictions, follow up appointments and the need to wear sunglasses for 6 months whenever in the sun. We were than directed to a corner in the clinic, to pick up a pair of sunglasses before heading to the pharmacy, followed by the waiting room for the actual surgery. 

At the beginning, I said I wanted to buy myself a pair of sunglasses without a prescription. In the corner there were 4 shelves filled with all kinds of different styles of sunglasses. I would say there were between 60 - 80 in total. As they are now the most expensive sunglasses I will ever own, it will be a while before I buy another pair. 

I am not going to describe the surgery. Suffice it to say that the doctor did a great job, guiding me through the procedure. It was just after he told me that he had finished the first section on my first eye that I realized, that I probably should have had my SOS anti-anxiety medication on board. When I walked out of surgery, I could see perfectly for about 60% of the field in front of me. About half an hour later the blurriness set in, as the healing process began.

I am now 10 days post-op. The recovery time is a lot slower and challenging than than I originally expected. I am making progress and learning to return to regular life step by step. I no longer have to put ointment in my eyes in order to sleep or fear that my eye is going to blow out at anytime. There are a lot of things I am looking forward to doing without glasses, including playing hockey. There are a lot more things to look forward to.

Uman - The Spiritual Crisis

 I was disturbed by the news stories today about the 1000 chasidim trapped in no mans land on the border between the Ukraine and Belarus. The Red Cross had to deliver humanitarian aid to those trapped by their own actions.  One report said that the people had refused to return to Belarus out of fear of being placed in mandatory quarantine guaranteeing they would not reach their destination on time. There are reported to be 2500 chasidim in total who made there way to Belarus unable to cross into the Ukraine by any means necessary. All this to spend Rosh HaShannah at the grave of Rebbe Nachman. 

 Like many of my friends, I am rather baffled by the entire situation. After giving it some thought, maybe I am not as baffled as I would like to be. I can't speak for those who made the journey, but I have had influences in my life that could of/or did put me in equally baffling situations. 

When I was in Yeshiva, we went to the Aish HaTorah Bible Codes seminar. While most of the program is devoted to preparation and understanding of the context and significance of the codes, the inability to use them to predict the future etc... the cool part is the codes. 

The next morning one guy walks into our pre-morning seder shiur, talking about all the cool codes. Our Rebbe wasn't impressed. So he told him another and another. Still not impressed. Finally, our Rebbe stops to explain his position. One day there is going to be a code that doesn't work as expected. If these codes are the foundation of your beliefs, your entire belief system is going to crumble with it. 

When I came back from Yeshiva, I didn't feel I was in a position to be an advisor in NCSY. I didn't have enough belief in myself. Years later, we tried to be actively involved in NCSY again. As we were not wealthy, we thought being role models through Shabbat guests would be a great way to be involved. Despite putting on pressure to be accepted, we were never approved. On one occasion trying to understand the reasons for being rejected, the comment was made that perhaps we wouldn't tell a kid to go to Israel. I am long past being emotionally attached to that statement, but it has given me reason to pause and reflect.

I believe in Hashem, Torah, mitzvot and the Jewish People. For me that belief is anchored in truth. There have been many role models that have turned out to not be as righteous as people would think they were.  There are people who live the religious life while not thinking or acting in a religious way. While my faith has been shaken many times over the years, the acts of an individual acting inappropriately has not crushed my spirits. At the end of the day, people are people.

What happens if the foundation of everything you believe in is anchored into one person? What if everything you believe in down to your very core, beliefs that you have to be in Uman on Rosh HaShannah. Having that taken away from you, could be overwhelming at a level that I can't even imagine. Perhaps for some the only alternative to receiving Red Cross aid in no mans land, is a spiritual crisis at the very core of everything they believe. People will do anything to avoid such a crisis. 

For some in the Haredi world it is inconceivable that the State of Israel would be established by non-religious Jews.  Yet, here we are. The world doesn't always work in the way we think we should. I believe that our belief in Hashem has to stay strong, when he shows us that the world is not what his plan is. Did anyone living at the time of the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash really believe it was going to be destroyed. The mishna in Nedarim deals with cases of vows made that required the Beit HaMikdash only to discover it wasn't there anymore. 

For some, not being able to make it to Uman poses a heart breaking crisis of belief. I can't relate to that line of thinking. Perhaps the ability to blame others for failure to reach Uman is the only way for them to stay true to the person they are.