For the first 2.5 years after we made Aliyah our lives just seemed to fall into place. Our Rabbi never comforts bad news with "It's for the best." We just simply don't know what is in store for us and it might not turn out better. For us we had our challenges and worries but everything just seemed to work itself out perfectly. After coming back from Toronto, Rachel getting pregnant was a tremendous gift and just another step of life falling into place. It was a difficult pregnancy with Rachel having multiple appointments at the Kuppah every week, even before she was put on bed rest. As difficult as it was, she never complained and always handled each difficult day with a smile.
When we hit the "safe zone" (gestationally farther along then Channah was). Rachel and I celebrated and bought a stroller. A few days later, a year ago today, our lives were shattered forever. We were in the ambulance sirens blaring on the way to the hospital. I still didn't even realize what that meant. I began mentally preparing for either another hospital stay or possible a preemie born that day. It was beyond anything I could have believed that such a precious miracle gift would be taken away just like that. A knot in her umbilical cord ended her life. A "freak accident", that will forever cast doubts in the what could have been done to save her life. Aside from the "could be" there will always been the "should have been", where I did not react to my little girl's life being in danger fast enough. Even if it is true that she couldn't have been saved, I didn't do enough to try.
The past year has been a nightmare. Rachel had a nervous breakdown, on top of a number of serious regular medical issues. To top things off she also lost her father to brain cancer. The strain it has placed on our relationship has been at time almost unbearable. We have lost a lot many friends, some that have been around for decades. Yesterday, Channah came home from school crying. There are still songs that she can't listen to because they remind her of Gabi. She started crying and some of her friends couldn't understand why. They said that it is not the first time it happened.Although the friends she counted on last year and the Ethiopian kids did understand. She responded that they don't know what it is like to be an only child and how much she was looking forward to having a sister.
We have had people who believe Gabi's life wasn't worth anything and that we are taking too long to get over it. What these people don't realize is that Gabi was gestationally older, bigger, had a high APGAR score than when Channah was born (with the exception of not breathing and no heart beat). If there had been a way for her to be born before the knot tightened she would have had a better start to life than Channah. We all know how wonderful Channah turned out.
On the plus side, it has been incredible the people who have stepped up and been there for us this year. Their support has been incredibly meaningful and a few people can take credit for literally saving Rachel's life. The kindness we received from true friends and real baalei chesed can never be repaid.
A person's name is supposed to capture the essence of who they are:
Gabriella - came from my Mother's parents last name Gabriellow. My grandmother had her husband and child wiped out in the holocoust. My grandfather was the cook in the Russian Army that liberated her concentration camp. He took care of her and brought her back to health. My Mom was born in a DP camp before they eventually made their was to Canada.
My Grandmother's friends ran to report her when the Nazi's came to their village. She too had to learn the lesson of who her real friends are. The flip side is she was able to rebuild her life after such a terrible tragedy. She kept a picture of her son on her wall and quietly carried his memory with her. I hope that we can move forward in life but Gabi will always be an important member even if she was also denied the opportunity of growing up.
Galit - translates as waves. She was named after Rachel's Grandfather who love sailing and was never afraid to cause waves to make the world a better place. In WWII he was an engineer with the Royal Canadian Air Force. He was dishonourably discharged after refusing a superiors orders to approve a plane for flight. The plane never returned from it's flight.
Gabi has made waves without even being born. A tremendous amount of mitzvot, chesed, learning have all been done because of her. She was well loved and will always be remembered by those who cared. We are in the process of adding a kids library in our shul, so that her memory can inspire other children to learn and grow. It is unbelievable the amount of people who have decided that they want to be a part of this project.
A few weeks ago we visited Kever Rochel. Rochel Emeinu is given a hard time by many meforishim, for her efforts to try to have children. "Give me children or give me death." Yet, she was the one who was willing to allow her sister to be a rival wife with the man she loved. She was the one who was buried by the side of the road, after being denied the chance of raising the son she had just given birth to. However it is her kever that the Jews stopped at on the way to Galut. It was her merit that brought the promise that her children will return. It is my family that is living that promise.
As we were not with a tour, I took the time to daven Mincha. I asked her to, just as she went to plead before God on behalf of the Jewish people to take my Gabi with her and plead to Hashem. We had to sacrifice our Gabi, please give us the strength to rebuild our family, both in size and emotional and spiritual strength.
We hope that the nightmare year is now over. Tomorrow begins a new page, where we can carry forward Gabi's family and rebuild our lives and be successful similar to what we had before losing Gabi. I just hope God is willing to go along with this plan.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Bringing Stereotypes to Life
There are many stereotypes about Israelis. Most of the time, I just assume that they are exagerations or misinformation about the local culture. It is truly amazing when you see the stereotype come to life. I am currently playing for one of the Toronto teams the ice hockey tournament in Metulah this week. The following conversation took place this morning between Ziv the only true born and bread Israeli and the rest of our team.
Ziv: Do you like Hummus? Have you been the the Hummusia?
Teammates: You mean all they have is Hummus?
Ziv: No. They also have chicken shnitzel.
Ziv: Do you like Hummus? Have you been the the Hummusia?
Teammates: You mean all they have is Hummus?
Ziv: No. They also have chicken shnitzel.
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Beit Shemesh Fault Line
6 days a week, I wake up in the morning and walk my daughter to school. There are only crossing gaurds on one side of the street, so she needs me to help her cross the other street before she is under the care of the crossing guards (who happen to be Grade 6 students). When the school day ends, I meet her at the park near the crossing guards. In a little more than a year, she will be 9 years old and able to do this walk all by herself.
About a 10 minute drive on the other side of town. Orot, a similar religous girls school opened moved into their new building at the beginning of the school year. Their experience is completely different. It is located near the border between the Chearedi Neighbourhood RBS B and the edges of 3 Datei Leumi communities. A group of men calling themselves the Sikirm (bearing the same name as the group who's zealousness to force the Jewish to fight the Roman's lead to the destruction of the second Beith HaMikdash) come out to intimidate the girls (Grade 1 - 6). Name calling, spitting and occasionally throwing rocks and bricks are all par for the course. Parents (and at certain points members of the community) have been escorting the children through the group of thugs to protect their safety. Last week a news crew filmed a scared 8 year old girl, as her mother tried to walk her to school. The image has inspired the country to take action.
The State does have a history of mistreating religious Jews. The Charedi community reaction to the backlash has been t0 fall back to being victims of Charedi bashing and everyone being against them. Most cannot even imagine that this is a direct backlash to their long tradition of using violence and political power to force their life style on others. When I was in Yeshiva, I was a block away from where they protested to have Bar Illan street closed on Shabbat. I saw wrongs on both sides. One night when a police car was hit with a rock, an arrest was made. They spent the night calling the soldiers Nazis, which in their world is a term for anyone who doesn't agree with them. The Nazi imagery that they used Saturday night should not have been a surprise to anybody.
In order to solve the problem at Orot, it is important to look at the real root of the problem. Most importantly this is a turf war. The Sikirm want the school for themselves and to expand the borders of their community and sphere of influence.
Moshe Abutbul was elected under the mantra of a Mayor for everyone. His actions have been anything but as he tries to cater to the Charedi community. In RBS A, the Mikvaot was split between those who wanted a "Mehdarin" experience and those who wanted to have the same standards applied by Jewish communities around the world. He tried to hand them over to the Charedi community and was only stopped by the backlash from the Datei Leumi community and leadership. He has been working to close the only secular school in RBS A, while telling parents he was trying to keep it open. Eventually the Minister of Education stepped in to declare that he will use his powers to guarantee the school stays open. The year my daughter entered Grade 1, school registration was delayed, waiting for the final decision of the school to be made.
When the Sikirm protested the opening of Orot in their new building, the Mayor tried to solve the problem by not allowing the school to open. Once again the Minister of Education threatened to step in, to make sure it opened. The Mayor falsely claimed that he was just trying to listen to the advice from the police.
In order to make peace it will be necessary to remove the political power wielded by the trouble makers in the Charedi community. This can be done both from a policy of not tolerating violence and limiting the dispoportional political power.
- Police should not be afraid to arrest those who are causing violence.
- There has to be a way to enforce a restraining order preventing, such ugly protests so close to the school.
- Following the lead of other democracies and raising the minimum threshold to obtain seats in the Knesset from 2% to 5%. This will allow knock out some of the extremist parties and cause the smaller parties to carry political weight more proportionate to their size.
- Eliminate vote sharing agreements and party mergers during election campaigns. These agreements allow parties with little support to leverage their votes and advertising allotments to in exchange for political favours.
It should be noted that the Charedi fighting does not spread to the communities of Bnei Brak, Beitar Illit, Kiryat Sefar and only seem to be limited to Meah Sharim and Beit Shemesh. The Beit Shemesh Charedi community is made up of a lot of people that cannot afford to stay in Mea Sharim. Mea Sharim is such an insulated community that they just cannot handle the idea that the rest of the world is not like them. Once you think your way is the only way, anything can be justified in the name of your beliefs.
Beit Shemesh will be getting a new Police Chief this week. Hopefully, he will have the skills and if necessary force to make it safe for the Orot girls to go to school. Once that is done, the Charedi community can start worrying about repairing their reputation and getting along as peaceful neighbours. The choice is theirs.
If the Sikirim had been stopped at the beginning of the school year, there would have been no need to bring in the media. Something that should be considered before starting the next turf war. Hopefully, my friends who's daughters go to Orot can let their daughters walk to school without worry just like I can.
About a 10 minute drive on the other side of town. Orot, a similar religous girls school opened moved into their new building at the beginning of the school year. Their experience is completely different. It is located near the border between the Chearedi Neighbourhood RBS B and the edges of 3 Datei Leumi communities. A group of men calling themselves the Sikirm (bearing the same name as the group who's zealousness to force the Jewish to fight the Roman's lead to the destruction of the second Beith HaMikdash) come out to intimidate the girls (Grade 1 - 6). Name calling, spitting and occasionally throwing rocks and bricks are all par for the course. Parents (and at certain points members of the community) have been escorting the children through the group of thugs to protect their safety. Last week a news crew filmed a scared 8 year old girl, as her mother tried to walk her to school. The image has inspired the country to take action.
The State does have a history of mistreating religious Jews. The Charedi community reaction to the backlash has been t0 fall back to being victims of Charedi bashing and everyone being against them. Most cannot even imagine that this is a direct backlash to their long tradition of using violence and political power to force their life style on others. When I was in Yeshiva, I was a block away from where they protested to have Bar Illan street closed on Shabbat. I saw wrongs on both sides. One night when a police car was hit with a rock, an arrest was made. They spent the night calling the soldiers Nazis, which in their world is a term for anyone who doesn't agree with them. The Nazi imagery that they used Saturday night should not have been a surprise to anybody.
In order to solve the problem at Orot, it is important to look at the real root of the problem. Most importantly this is a turf war. The Sikirm want the school for themselves and to expand the borders of their community and sphere of influence.
Moshe Abutbul was elected under the mantra of a Mayor for everyone. His actions have been anything but as he tries to cater to the Charedi community. In RBS A, the Mikvaot was split between those who wanted a "Mehdarin" experience and those who wanted to have the same standards applied by Jewish communities around the world. He tried to hand them over to the Charedi community and was only stopped by the backlash from the Datei Leumi community and leadership. He has been working to close the only secular school in RBS A, while telling parents he was trying to keep it open. Eventually the Minister of Education stepped in to declare that he will use his powers to guarantee the school stays open. The year my daughter entered Grade 1, school registration was delayed, waiting for the final decision of the school to be made.
When the Sikirm protested the opening of Orot in their new building, the Mayor tried to solve the problem by not allowing the school to open. Once again the Minister of Education threatened to step in, to make sure it opened. The Mayor falsely claimed that he was just trying to listen to the advice from the police.
In order to make peace it will be necessary to remove the political power wielded by the trouble makers in the Charedi community. This can be done both from a policy of not tolerating violence and limiting the dispoportional political power.
- Police should not be afraid to arrest those who are causing violence.
- There has to be a way to enforce a restraining order preventing, such ugly protests so close to the school.
- Following the lead of other democracies and raising the minimum threshold to obtain seats in the Knesset from 2% to 5%. This will allow knock out some of the extremist parties and cause the smaller parties to carry political weight more proportionate to their size.
- Eliminate vote sharing agreements and party mergers during election campaigns. These agreements allow parties with little support to leverage their votes and advertising allotments to in exchange for political favours.
It should be noted that the Charedi fighting does not spread to the communities of Bnei Brak, Beitar Illit, Kiryat Sefar and only seem to be limited to Meah Sharim and Beit Shemesh. The Beit Shemesh Charedi community is made up of a lot of people that cannot afford to stay in Mea Sharim. Mea Sharim is such an insulated community that they just cannot handle the idea that the rest of the world is not like them. Once you think your way is the only way, anything can be justified in the name of your beliefs.
Beit Shemesh will be getting a new Police Chief this week. Hopefully, he will have the skills and if necessary force to make it safe for the Orot girls to go to school. Once that is done, the Charedi community can start worrying about repairing their reputation and getting along as peaceful neighbours. The choice is theirs.
If the Sikirim had been stopped at the beginning of the school year, there would have been no need to bring in the media. Something that should be considered before starting the next turf war. Hopefully, my friends who's daughters go to Orot can let their daughters walk to school without worry just like I can.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Simchat Torah -- Surrounded by Children
Journey's 4 came out shortly before Channah was born. I listened to that CD on so many of my trips back and forth from the hospital. I felt personally connected to a bunch of the songs. One in particular was about post war Europe, where some survivors enter a boarded up shul to celebrate Simchat Torah. They discover that the Sifrei Torah are gone but there are a pair of children hiding in the shul.
We danced round and round in circles as if the world had done no wrong
From evening until morning, filling up the shul with song
Though we had no sifrei Torah to clutch an hold up high
In their place we held those children, am yisrael chai"
Every Simchat Torah, I would think of this song as I danced with Channah. She was my Sefer Torah. Last year we realized that it was the last year that she would be my Sefer Torah. She was getting too big to dance with me at shul. Rachel and I were both comforted, knowing there was going to be a new Sefer Torah to dance with this year.
Last night at shul, I could feel a tear in my soul. I wanted to connect to the joy and deep meaning of the day. At the same time, I didn't have my Sefer Torah to hold and dance with. I had a hard time participating, never mind enjoying the night. I had expressed to the Rabbi earlier in the week that I wanted Kol HaNearim. He told me that it had been taken care of.
This morning the auction reached Kol HaNearim. (Chatan Bereshit & Chatan Torah are assigned before the Chag). I immediately put up my hand to bid. Things went so fast that I am not sure how much I bid, but I had to withdraw pretty quickly. A friend dropped out when bidding hit 1000 NIS. Very quickly, the price hit 2000 NIS. The Rabbi called a timeout and asked who the other bidder was. They had a short meeting. The other bidder was someone who is really important in our life and is one of the people we consider to be our adopted family. The auctioneer choked up as he announced the two had formed a syndicate and had purchased the Aliyah for 4000 NIS and were giving it to me. Suddenly, I was overcome with a feeling of peace and comfort. I was able to fully enjoy Hakafot.
The Aliyah gave me a lot more Chizuk then I thought it would. All the kids said the bracha with me while Channah stood behind me. My aliyah talked about the land allocated to Dan, Naphtali and Asher. Our home is in the Dan region and Naphtali was the name we were going to use if Channah had been a boy. Chattan Bereshit (which came right after mine), mentioned Moshe seeing "Gilad" before he died and the Gabi reference, where Moshe died and we don't know where he is burried. It also contains the letter that I wrote for Gabi, although leining was not taking place from that particular Sefer Torah.
I do not believe in segulahs, as they tend to be people putting their faith into made up rituals, where the outcome is not always in our hand. However, having Kol HaNarim seemed to be the correct way to express everything that we have been through this year. I spent the time hoping that Hashem will grant our prayers to not be quite in the same positions next year. Next year, I will be more than happy to stand by and watch as I hold my own new and little Sefer Torah in my arms. May Hashem answer this one prayer with a yes.
We danced round and round in circles as if the world had done no wrong
From evening until morning, filling up the shul with song
Though we had no sifrei Torah to clutch an hold up high
In their place we held those children, am yisrael chai"
Every Simchat Torah, I would think of this song as I danced with Channah. She was my Sefer Torah. Last year we realized that it was the last year that she would be my Sefer Torah. She was getting too big to dance with me at shul. Rachel and I were both comforted, knowing there was going to be a new Sefer Torah to dance with this year.
Last night at shul, I could feel a tear in my soul. I wanted to connect to the joy and deep meaning of the day. At the same time, I didn't have my Sefer Torah to hold and dance with. I had a hard time participating, never mind enjoying the night. I had expressed to the Rabbi earlier in the week that I wanted Kol HaNearim. He told me that it had been taken care of.
This morning the auction reached Kol HaNearim. (Chatan Bereshit & Chatan Torah are assigned before the Chag). I immediately put up my hand to bid. Things went so fast that I am not sure how much I bid, but I had to withdraw pretty quickly. A friend dropped out when bidding hit 1000 NIS. Very quickly, the price hit 2000 NIS. The Rabbi called a timeout and asked who the other bidder was. They had a short meeting. The other bidder was someone who is really important in our life and is one of the people we consider to be our adopted family. The auctioneer choked up as he announced the two had formed a syndicate and had purchased the Aliyah for 4000 NIS and were giving it to me. Suddenly, I was overcome with a feeling of peace and comfort. I was able to fully enjoy Hakafot.
The Aliyah gave me a lot more Chizuk then I thought it would. All the kids said the bracha with me while Channah stood behind me. My aliyah talked about the land allocated to Dan, Naphtali and Asher. Our home is in the Dan region and Naphtali was the name we were going to use if Channah had been a boy. Chattan Bereshit (which came right after mine), mentioned Moshe seeing "Gilad" before he died and the Gabi reference, where Moshe died and we don't know where he is burried. It also contains the letter that I wrote for Gabi, although leining was not taking place from that particular Sefer Torah.
I do not believe in segulahs, as they tend to be people putting their faith into made up rituals, where the outcome is not always in our hand. However, having Kol HaNarim seemed to be the correct way to express everything that we have been through this year. I spent the time hoping that Hashem will grant our prayers to not be quite in the same positions next year. Next year, I will be more than happy to stand by and watch as I hold my own new and little Sefer Torah in my arms. May Hashem answer this one prayer with a yes.
Monday, October 17, 2011
What an End to the Season
Today was the end of the winter softball season. Wow, what a way to end the season. The game was at Baptist Village which is a lot further away then where we play most of our games. It was the first time, I played there. It had a very different feel then Gezer field as the out field fences were better designed to contain the ball. When I arrived the Sunday night pick up game was still playing. I asked them what type of ball they were using because it was bouncing like it was one of the rubber balls you use to play baseball inside a gym when it snows. It turns out that is was just that the field was very muddy, even though the mud was dry.
Before the game could start, we had an unusual problem. We had a full 9 man team but the other team was one man short. Not only that but one of our players brought a bunch of his kids including a 16 year old that we lent to their team. The original trade was a player straight for nothing. Then we realized that most of our main players were away and we only had one bat. At that point we sent in another negotiator to get a bat as part of the trade. We also gave them a LF, until his turn a bat (he batted 7th in the first) until their "9th" player arrived.
I started the game batting clean up and playing 2nd base. The first inning we scored a bunch of runs and held them scoreless on a bunch of pop ups. The 2nd inning they caught up, after we went 3 up 3 down. I was able to catch an inning ending pop up, which is a play that has been a problem for me as long as I have played baseball. First inning I had a one out ground out to advance the runner to their. Second inning I struck out.
Third inning I grounded out again. I also dropped a pop up. Then the controversy started. With the bases loaded, a ground ball was fielded and thrown home. The ball hit the catchers glove and it landed in his feet. The umpire called him out. He said the catcher had the ball and dropped it after being bumped by the base runner. They then hit a grounder to me, which I turned into an inning ending 4-3 double play. The other teams coach who had been on 3rd base at the time went nuts.
In the 4th we made a pitching change. Our (ringer) catcher, came into pitch for our coach. I was moved behind the plate. I did not have a good game behind the plate. On what play with runners on 1st and 2nd with two out a grounder was hit to our 3rd baseman. Umpire yelled, foul ball, so he didn't rush to make a play. Then he said my mistake and tried to rule it a fair ball. If it had been fair the inning would have been over. Once again their coach went nuts arguing the call. He wanted it to count as a single with the bases loaded. It was eventually ruled no pitch and the batter flew out to CF ending the inning.
In the top of the fifth the score was 11-10 with me at the plate with two runners on. I hit a clutch RBI single passed the second baseman making the score 12-10. We scored our last run on a wild pitch bringing the score to 13-10.
In the bottom of the fifth I was still catching. Two runs had scored making the score 13-12. Then the batter struck out with a ball low in the dirt. I don't know if it was a strike or not. All I know is I caught the ball and tagged the runner for good measure. The coach of the other team came out yelling at the umpire again. The ump said either you go or I go and walked off the field. Eventually he came back to finish off the inning. At that point, I went back to 2nd and our catcher went behind the plate as our regular pitcher returned to the mound to go for the save. First play was a ground ball to short which, was thrown to me for a 6-4 out. Then the next ball was grounded directly to me, for me to get the unassisted last out. The game was called, even though there was time left, because the umpires didn't want things to get more out of hand.
When hand shakes went around their coach shook on umpires hand but not the other. This lead to another shouting match, with the coach being threatened with expulsion from the league and the umpire being critized by the other ump for stirring things up.
The final outcome is we won our last game 13-12. Despite my mistakes, I made a solid contribution to the win.
Before the game could start, we had an unusual problem. We had a full 9 man team but the other team was one man short. Not only that but one of our players brought a bunch of his kids including a 16 year old that we lent to their team. The original trade was a player straight for nothing. Then we realized that most of our main players were away and we only had one bat. At that point we sent in another negotiator to get a bat as part of the trade. We also gave them a LF, until his turn a bat (he batted 7th in the first) until their "9th" player arrived.
I started the game batting clean up and playing 2nd base. The first inning we scored a bunch of runs and held them scoreless on a bunch of pop ups. The 2nd inning they caught up, after we went 3 up 3 down. I was able to catch an inning ending pop up, which is a play that has been a problem for me as long as I have played baseball. First inning I had a one out ground out to advance the runner to their. Second inning I struck out.
Third inning I grounded out again. I also dropped a pop up. Then the controversy started. With the bases loaded, a ground ball was fielded and thrown home. The ball hit the catchers glove and it landed in his feet. The umpire called him out. He said the catcher had the ball and dropped it after being bumped by the base runner. They then hit a grounder to me, which I turned into an inning ending 4-3 double play. The other teams coach who had been on 3rd base at the time went nuts.
In the 4th we made a pitching change. Our (ringer) catcher, came into pitch for our coach. I was moved behind the plate. I did not have a good game behind the plate. On what play with runners on 1st and 2nd with two out a grounder was hit to our 3rd baseman. Umpire yelled, foul ball, so he didn't rush to make a play. Then he said my mistake and tried to rule it a fair ball. If it had been fair the inning would have been over. Once again their coach went nuts arguing the call. He wanted it to count as a single with the bases loaded. It was eventually ruled no pitch and the batter flew out to CF ending the inning.
In the top of the fifth the score was 11-10 with me at the plate with two runners on. I hit a clutch RBI single passed the second baseman making the score 12-10. We scored our last run on a wild pitch bringing the score to 13-10.
In the bottom of the fifth I was still catching. Two runs had scored making the score 13-12. Then the batter struck out with a ball low in the dirt. I don't know if it was a strike or not. All I know is I caught the ball and tagged the runner for good measure. The coach of the other team came out yelling at the umpire again. The ump said either you go or I go and walked off the field. Eventually he came back to finish off the inning. At that point, I went back to 2nd and our catcher went behind the plate as our regular pitcher returned to the mound to go for the save. First play was a ground ball to short which, was thrown to me for a 6-4 out. Then the next ball was grounded directly to me, for me to get the unassisted last out. The game was called, even though there was time left, because the umpires didn't want things to get more out of hand.
When hand shakes went around their coach shook on umpires hand but not the other. This lead to another shouting match, with the coach being threatened with expulsion from the league and the umpire being critized by the other ump for stirring things up.
The final outcome is we won our last game 13-12. Despite my mistakes, I made a solid contribution to the win.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Coming Face to Face with Rosh HaShanah
As Judgment Day approaches, I cannot help to think with great sadness of how much things have changed in the past year. I went into Rosh HaShanah feeling confident that our lives had just seemed to fall into place. Gone was the feeling, that we were not where we were supposed to be in life. I entered the year confident that I finally had my life in order.
-Channah was starting elementary school and loves being Israeli
-The frustration of a possible move disappeared a few days after returning to Israeli soil
-I have a great job with a great boss
-I had finally set up the learning schedule I wanted, including a chavrusah
-We were doing a tremendous Mitzvah by allowing a long term guest stay in our apartment while they tried to put their life back together again
-I had taken it upon myself to publicly defend one of my Rabbi's from a major controversy taken out of context
-We made the decision to be more proactive, so that I would make the 240 km trek more often to the closest hockey arena
-We were satisfied with our lot in life, including accepting that our family would always be the 3 of us.
-Rachel had upgraded her skills over the summer and was looking forward to applying her new skills to her jewelery
-We were living in the land promised to our ancestors so many years ago, we were literaly living in Jewish history.
That confidence carried over Less then a week later, with Yom Kippor approaching, it appeared that the prayers of a very special 6 year old girl had been answered. All she wanted was a little sister. Although it was a very difficult pregnancy, we met every step of the way with tremendous joy. I was confident that such a wonderful gift would come to fruition. When we hit the gestational date, where Channah was born, we celebrated and went out and bought a stroller. We were coming down the stretch home free.
Then one night Rachel's instincts told her something was wrong. The false confidence I had built allowed me to convince Rachel to wait until doctor appointment in the morning. By then it was too late. Even in the ambulance, full siren racing towards the hospital, I thought the worst case scenario was, we were dealing with a preemie and NICU time. It didn't even occur to me that her life had been in danger and it was already too late. Gabi would be born that day, just without a heart beat. Life would never be the same.
Over the last 7 months we have seen the best and worst in people. We have endless stories of both close friends and strangers, stepping up to help us deal with our grief. There will be many people standing before God this year, with the merits of not only literally saving Rachel's life but saving my family from being destroyed by grief. The flip side is the countless friendships and relationships that have been destroyed in the last number of months. People who we thought we could count on, who put their own comfort in front of our time of need. People who decided what we needed best but didn't have a clue, how wrong they were. People who would ask what we needed and proceed to do the opposite. I have done my best to forget about the burnt out wreckage of those lost friendships. That doesn't mean I sometimes miss the illusion of what I thought I had.
This year, I stand in judgment not with my accomplishments but holding the shards of my broken family that I am trying to put back together. I have less merits than last year, to plead to over turn the evil decree. The only thing I can ask, is that "time served" is enough punishment for my family and that we will have the strength to get back on our feet. I have always tried to be the anchor to hold everything together. Even in the last two weeks, I have found myself feeling more like a dead weight then keeping the ship away from danger.
May everyone (especially those who took the bitterness out of this year), have a sweet, healthy and happy year.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Only Israeli Police Moment
On the way home from softball, there are often police stationed on the on ramp from Highway 3 (goes to Modiin/Latrun) onto Hwy 1 heading towards Jerusalem. While I have wondered what they are looking for but whatever it was, it was not me.
Tonight, the police decided to pull me and the car in front of me over. While, I didn't think I did anything wrong, I started to panic just a little. I asked what was going on and all the officer said was that I he needed my license and insurance. My baseball uniform doesn't have pockets, so I try to keep remember to keep my phone and wallet in the front seat. Not only had I not done that, I couldn't figure out where I left it. Fortunately, I was giving my team mate a ride to his bus stop. I told him to get out my ownership papers, while I continued to panic looking for my wallet. In the mean time he was also able to deal with the 2 girls who were trying to tremp a ride to Jerusalem. I eventually found my wallet. The officer added my name to the long list of people who had also had random inspections and we were on our way.
In case you missed the only in Israel part of the story. There were two girls, on a highway on ramp, waiting for people to stop (either voluntarily or by the police) to give them a ride to Jerusalem.
As for the softball game. It was the first game of the season. For some reason the coach decided that, I can hit and batted me 5th, as I played 2nd base. The other teams pitcher was throwing real hard. My first at bat, I hit the ball so it landed just outside the batter box in fair territory. That was good enough for a single (the teams first hit of the season). My 2nd at bat I hit a hanging liner up the middle that was caught. I also had two put outs at 2nd base. We lost 11-0 after 5 innings on the mercy rule. Although the game was much closer than the scoreboard made it appear.
Tonight, the police decided to pull me and the car in front of me over. While, I didn't think I did anything wrong, I started to panic just a little. I asked what was going on and all the officer said was that I he needed my license and insurance. My baseball uniform doesn't have pockets, so I try to keep remember to keep my phone and wallet in the front seat. Not only had I not done that, I couldn't figure out where I left it. Fortunately, I was giving my team mate a ride to his bus stop. I told him to get out my ownership papers, while I continued to panic looking for my wallet. In the mean time he was also able to deal with the 2 girls who were trying to tremp a ride to Jerusalem. I eventually found my wallet. The officer added my name to the long list of people who had also had random inspections and we were on our way.
In case you missed the only in Israel part of the story. There were two girls, on a highway on ramp, waiting for people to stop (either voluntarily or by the police) to give them a ride to Jerusalem.
As for the softball game. It was the first game of the season. For some reason the coach decided that, I can hit and batted me 5th, as I played 2nd base. The other teams pitcher was throwing real hard. My first at bat, I hit the ball so it landed just outside the batter box in fair territory. That was good enough for a single (the teams first hit of the season). My 2nd at bat I hit a hanging liner up the middle that was caught. I also had two put outs at 2nd base. We lost 11-0 after 5 innings on the mercy rule. Although the game was much closer than the scoreboard made it appear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)