Once again I am home from a c-section without my baby girl. This time she will not be joining us in a few weeks.
I am home but not sure I want to be. I never expected to come home from the hospital without my little girl. All my hopes and dreams for the last year have been tied up in this child and this pregnancy. Every daydream had Channah with playing with her little sister in different places. Someone told me to find a safe place in my head. There isn't one. Gabi is playing in every one of them. Channah and Gabi are hiding out in every nook and cranny in my brain. They are stuck in every fiber of my being. Together.
It was never supposed to end this way. And now I have no idea how to go on.