The candle is lit to mark 'The Day We Wished Never Happened'. It has been 3 years since Gabi our miracle baby was taken from us before she had a chance to take her first breath. As I wrote 3 years ago 'She taught us that even the impossible can come true, for both good and bad.' I never knew how bad life would get. Even today I am still learning how bad the darkest most grim days were. Sometimes I have flashbacks or memories that leave me paralyzed to face the world. Somehow I have been able to move forward and clean up the pieces.
Halacha didn't recognize Gabi's life or death. As such any mourning or remembering is purely on a voluntary basis. She died on the 24th of Adar 1. This is the first year her Hebrew Yahrziet falls out before Purim. A quirk in the calendar and Halacha towards remembering made keeping the Gregorian date more logical.
As I lit the candle a little while ago I was overcome with the symbolism of that decision. Normally a Yahrziet candle would be lit as the sun was setting. Instead I stayed up and waited until midnight. How fitting for the daughter who never generated any memories of her own to be remembered at midnight. Midnight, the time where the world is dark and people are sleeping. For most her memory is like a dream. For many like a dream that is forgotten when you wake up in the morning.
In the darkness of the night a small candle can shine even brighter. This week I have had an outpouring from people who were touched by my little girl. Those who took the time to reach out really touched me, encouraged me and gave me new strength. New books are being added to the library in her memory.
When candle lighting time comes in for Shabbat, Channah will get to light her candle next to the one remembering her little sister. For the first time on the Anniversary, Gabi will have her Eema to look after her in the next world while Channah has a Mom to look after her here.