Disclaimer not Included

I recently saw a story about a couple from Australia that met on Tinder. Due to the lockdown they had nowhere to go for a date. So he went to her house. They hit things off and kissed. That caused her to end up in a hospital due to a severe peanut allergy. The the author was trying to make the point that instead of bolting he stayed by her side at the hospital. I guess feelgood stories are hard to find these days.

The comment section read the story in a very different way. It was filled with condemnations for breaking social distancing rules during a pandemic along with other moral judgements. There was also a strong response to the criticism.  Over and over the comments were being refuted by pointing out  that Australia was at a different stage of the virus and the rules were different. Getting together in small groups was already permitted in most parts of Australia.

Around the same time, someone I know posted about how they feel pressured to put a disclaimer on every post they write. They felt that they could not share their own thoughts and feelings without having to acknowledge and validate that others have their own struggles and challenges.

These ideas made me stop and think about my own life, especially during the time that living in the wake of personal tragedy was consuming every piece of my being. Relationships were torpedoed because people who genuinely cared couldn't get the disclaimer quite right. At the same time sensitivity is important. Taking time to privately acknowledge others are struggling can be incredibly powerful and meaningful. What lengths should one go to be sensitive by openly acknowledging that others are suffering.  More importantly, why is it so important to me at this moment in time?

A common challenge of dealing with trauma is recognizing that you are allowed to be happy. How many times have I avoided the therapeutic process of writing or sharing a thought or a milestone in my life because I was worried that doing so would cause someone to be not happy with/for me. 

The rest of this post is about positive, happy thing going on in my life right now. If that is going to cause you to be upset or want to criticize me, now is the time to find something else to read.

Living with the Corona Virus restrictions has been a challenge. In the big picture it has not turned into a negative experience for me.

I live in a country that took a proactive role in keeping the virus contained. As such most things are open or about to be open, as the number of active cases continues to decline. Shlomo and Channah went back to school on Tuesday. Shlomo's ganenet was very impressed with how much academic growth he had achieved during the break.  Aside from a few schools in the centre of the country the transition to kids in school has gone fairly smoothly.

Peri and I both have secure jobs. We were not able to apply for any relief money because we didn't have any loss of income. We are also used to working from home. Spending more time with the kids, did take extra work. We made the most of the extra time with our kids and enjoyed the experience. The bond between Shlomo and Hoodie grew by leaps and bounds.

As the restrictions were first coming in place,I did struggle with my mental health. Once I got over that hurdle, I went through a period of a number of weeks that was the most mentally stable and calm period, ever since I took the step to fight my depression and PTSD. I even had one therapy session cut short because I didn't have anything to talk about. I must admit, I did find therapy by phone to be less effective than regular therapy.

Our building has been having a minyan most of the time, since shuls were limited to 100 people, the Shabbat after Purim. On and off, as the rules changed I did struggle from an ethical and safety standpoint, my relationship with the minyan. Having a minyan that I could participate in, from the safety of my balcony has done a lot of spiritual good for me. On Friday nights, davening is too late for the kids, so we make early (plag) Shabbat. We leave the door open, just enough so that we can hear the melodies of Kabbalat Shabbat fill our Shabbat meal. I join the minyan near the end, in order to count sefira and repeat Kriyat Shema with a Barchu included.

Of course the most exciting news is our new apartment. Our tenants move out on Sunday. We have time to make some minor renovations before we move in, later the following week. I am incredibly grateful with the hashgacha pratis that we have experienced with the purchase.

The dream was to move into the apartment before Pesach. However, the sellers needed an extra 2 months, due to delays with their purchase. After intense negotiations, we begrudgingly agreed to allow them to rent our apartment for 2 months. On the closing date, we were already in full lockdown. We couldn't even see the apartment to do the closing inspection. The rental arrangement lasted just long enough for us to get through the crisis. We have had enough time, with stores open to buy the items we need before moving in and complete the renovations and moving without being delayed by Government restrictions.

We also had incredibly good timing in dealing with the mortgage. We were able to lock in when rates were at their lowest before they started to rise again.

The next two weeks are super exciting. I am fulfilling a dream that  I never dreamed would ever be possible until it was. I am looking forward to being happy as we build a home that is ours.